Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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