Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
