He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
