You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
