I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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