Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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