The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize