You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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