he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
