I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize