you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
