I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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