He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
