I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
