He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
