i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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