I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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