so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
