Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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