3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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