We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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