It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
