Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize