From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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