Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
