Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
