ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
