Apparently you make a good broom.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
