why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
