she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
