You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
