i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
