No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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