Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
