It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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