Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize