erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
