Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
