I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
No subtext here. People are naked.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
