We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
