So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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