how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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