I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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