If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
