i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
