ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
