I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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