Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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