If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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