wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
