Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize