if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
