My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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