Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
