I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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