There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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