is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
