I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
