just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
