It's like God shit irony all over that family
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I AM VODKA MAN
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
