1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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