so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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