I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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