And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I feel great
I just peed on a car
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
