her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
