just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you had me at cake vodka
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
