i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize