i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize