The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize