remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize