at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Watching her eat just hurts me
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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