i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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