I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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