And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
